Linus blogs

Came accross Linus' blog recently - http://torvalds-family.blogspot.com/. Despite being the extraordinary genius that he is, he does not seem to be web savvy , which explains why he does not even have a personalized domain name for his blog site.

Nice to see him blogging mostly on non-techie stuff.

Wedding Bells !

Me is getting married .. to an angel, she is the one who's responsible for changing daggereye's eye from this (veteran followers of my blog may remember) : to this :
Have been trying to pen a poem for our personal invitation card .. After a lot of thought (which lasted exactly 5 mins), I came up with this -

A bag full of hope, A large bundle of joy..
A pail filled to the brim, with dreams n smiles ..
Yeah !
We are well packed for life's miles!

Short and simple eh ! .. Need to copyright this so that I earn money everytime someone flicks my poems :P

"Objectionable but not compromising"

People who follow their news do not need to know where this scintillating quote comes from.

Cops seem to have a new found fascination for decorated language. They want to let the whole world know that their English is as good as Shakespeare himself.

I mean ..what the hell .. objectionable but not compromising .. ????

Please educate me on what position would qualify as objectionable but not compromising. This kind of talk comes from people who dont know what they are talking, who are so unsure of their facts that they have to resort to such moronic language to confuse people and let them interpret these twisted words according to their fancy (which is exactly what a rogue idiotic excuse of a news channel did).

Man !! .. If aarushi's father comes out clean on this one .. Cops should expand to "Compromising (and) Objectionable Protection Squad".

For an Angel

Silken feel of your touch, softer than a newborn's cry
Sweet fragrance of your scent, sweeter than jasmines blooming to the dawning sun
Lure of your lips, like a red rose kissed by the morning's dew
A shy face beneath those flowing locks, like a cold night's mist veiling the shining moon
That binding spell in your eyes, magical than God's love
your smile so divine, that can lighten up a dying man's day
You make me want to touch .. You make me want to feel

Love so pure your heart holds , pure as water taking birth in heaven's clouds
Joy and Smiles you spread , happiness wants to be happy as you
In you I see a child , when you go naughty
In you I see a mother , when you bless everyone with your care
A smile, a giggle, a laugh ., Give me these in return for my love
You make me want to love .. You make me want to live

- Me

Humour

"You are soooo fat i can see a solar eclipse every time you come in front of me !"

Ho Ho Ho Haa haaa haaa heee heee heee

"You are soooo thin people ignore you half the time coz they cannot see you !"

Ho Ho Ho Haa haaa haaa heee heee heee

Why do such statements make us laugh ?? Humans have this inherent nature to laugh at someone else's misery, someone else's shortcomings. If you open any joke book, 99% of all the jokes will be making fun of some one, some community or some situation. Lately jokes have even started cropping up on 9/11. How many times have we poked fun at someone at our workplace and had a good laugh .. not giving a damn about what the other person feels.

Would it be possible to have jokes that don't take a dig on someone?? It's a tough ask, no stand up comedian would exist if this were true. So let's accept the fact that you need to make fun of some other entity to have a good laugh and make you feel good.

A few great men who found this side of human psychology disturbing advised - "Learn to laugh at your own shortcomings, learn to laugh at your own miseries and you will find happiness."

According to this theory, if you are laughing the loudest, you should be the happiest. If you are the happiest, you are laughing at your own shortcomings and your own miseries. So, it logically follows that you have a huge number of shortcomings and you are tremendously miserable :P. Now that's a classic example of an oxymoron - How can you be so happy when you are so miserable ??

What was that ?? .. Do i see a slight grin on your face ? Bet you are one happy person :D

SMS 2050

Me is back after a loooooong time ... with a new eye for things ..

In the early part of the 21st century, a barrage of reality shows hit the television. 99.99% of them had something to do with song/dance/making fool of oneself. Every tom, dick and rakhi wanted to sing, dance and make fools of themselves on national television. At one point, it was widely believed that if one cannot sing and dance, one is not human. (this later led to the epic 2030 riot series when a lot of 'one's split each other into 'two's).

At some point, every reality show started asking it's viewers to vote for it's winners through SMS. A jackass harward MBA in a telecom company came up with this idea. He theorized - let's assume most humans are dumb (this assumption was later proved true in a landmark scientific paper by lab-ret Sin-e-nite : An anagramic clone of Albert Einstien and is fondly called 'Lab rat' after his first name). With this assumption, it is safe to also assume that humans will, without any hesitation, send an SMS that is almost 900% more than it's usual cost only because it's absolute value looks small. Let's then get buddy with every reality show and share some part of the booty with them. This will inspire more and more reality shows which will make us richer and richer. Let's swamp the world with reality shows. He gave the most famous slogan of the 21st century - "Real ain't real till it's on TV".

The year is now 2050. I have long been dead. My spirit has been condemned to a rigorous after-life for not having believed in God all it's living life. (My spirit's shock the first time it saw God was to be seen to be believed, the shock was so enormous that it felt it could have invented the term 'infinity' - refer previous blog). My spirit has been working it's orb off for a long time now. As a reward, it got a much deserved break to roam the living world. The following is a collection of various observations my spirit made on the nasty SMS revolution that has consumed this world.

- Every country's GDP and hence the world's financial health is measured by the number of active SMS votes in circulation against all kinds of reality shows on television.

- Paper money and Plastic money have become rare collectors' items. Every human now carries only an SMS counter with him. An SMS counter accumulates the SMS'es one can spend. Every financial transaction/misdeed now happens through this SMS counter. Salaries, loans, credits, stocks, thefts, burglaries .. you name it.

- Every human is part of atleast one reality show. If a human is not dancing or singing or not part of any reality show, (s)he is assumed to be demented and admitted to an asylum where (s)he automatically acquires these talents after the first shock therapy.

- Some conversations overheard at various places :

• An ambaressh fan (SMS junkies - 'yo mah bro' types - are huge fans of this erstwhile actor from the previous century) who swears by the actor's dialogues in the landmark film 'nagara haavu' .. eve-teasing a babe -

"Yen bulbul .. 100 SMS kodthini .. barakilwaaaa ???

• A totally broke stock broker -

"*&!@ this stock SMSxchange .. it again went down 1000 SMS'es today !!".

• A newly wed couple .

Woman - "How much do you love me ?

Man - (stretching out his hands) "Thiiiiiiiis many SMS'es "

• The american president in his presidential address to the nation

"We WILL NOT give up our reality show ideas and allow other contries to prosper .. Keep 'em SMS'es coming .. Learn from the most prosperous nation of today .. India .. where each duty bound citizen does not even flush the toilet without first sending an SMS vote to his favorite reality show."

• Other spirits who are jealous at my time off ..

"Look at this penniless loser .. he did not send one SMS vote or participate in any reality show when he was alive. Now he makes snide, wisecracking, sarcastic remarks in his blog which no one bothers to read."

Do you really exist ??

Do you realize that your existence is so enormously improbable that you shouldn’t have been reading this blog in the first place.

You get up each day, go to work, crib, harp, fart, sneeze, drool, love, hate, mate and then sleep at the end of the day. Do you realize that the numbers of probability are so stacked up against you that it's a miracle that you are able to do any of these things.

I will try to put forth an improbable explanation that will explain your impossible existence !!.

Every astro-scientist agrees that there are more number of stars in the universe than the number of grains of sand on our planet. You can try to think of this enormous, immense, improbable number if your brain permits you to (the fact that you have a brain and can think with it is another impossible event).For all practical purposes, this number is treated as infinity. 'Infinity' is a term invented by mathematicians who got so overwhelmed when they discovered how implausible their existence was, that they had to come up with a new number to explain the enormity of the shock they had with this realization. These countless stars have countless more planets circling around them. From these innumerable planets, a single planet underwent violent changes over billions of years and finally moulded itself so that it could support life.

Now let's pause for a moment and calculate the probability of the existence of the planet earth. Some wise-cracking human being decided that the correct equation to compute the probability in an equi-probable sample space is -

Probability = (Number of desired events)/(number of total events in the sample space) - [1]

Going by this equation, the probability of the existence of earth is : 1/infinity = zero.

So the probability of the existence of planet earth is zero .. nil .. zilch. This argument alone is enough to prove that you shouldn’t have existed but let us move ahead and examine other paths that have led to your presence and then you will be able to appreciate the true improbability of your existence.

Next, we will examine the probability that you had to be a human being.

You could have been a lifeless rock, you could have been a tree, you could have been a single celled organism, you could have been a slimy slithering creature at the ocean's bottom, you could have been a bird, you could have been this, you could have been that .. you could have been bi-sexual !!. Amongst such vast numbers of permutations and combinations of the many things you could have been, you ended up as a human. The probability of this event (using equation [1]) is again .. zero .. nil .. zilch.

Assuming that you now exist and somehow crawled past the last two improbable events (if 'you' are actually assuming this, i have proved my point and you can now relieve yourself of this torturous reading), we will move to the next improbable event.

You were born because of a lengthy history of copulation amongst your ancestors starting from your parents back to the first human couple. If you are a man, and have ever tried to woo the woman of your dreams, you would understand how infinitely unlikely your chances of succeeding are. If you are a woman, you consider all men impossible, hence no explanation needed here. So, it has been a history of impossible pairings all along the chain that has led finally to your birth. If we translate these arguments to a number, the probability that you were born because of the exact pairings of all your ancestors is .. again .. (everyone in chorus, put in some excitement into your voices) .. ZERO .. NIL .. ZILCH !!

So .. there it is, it has now been conclusively proven that your existence is the most impossible, improbable, implausible event to have ever taken place in the history of the universe and you should henceforth regard yourself as a freak co-incidence of nature.

As for me .. I am impossible.

Patriotic vehicles

Got a new car recently .. now my two prized possessions look like they leapt out of my state's (karnataka) flag :P

Emotional Paralysis

The world has a class of people who have a rare disease. No tear would have rolled down their eyes for years. They dont feel happy, they dont feel sad. Nothing excites them, nothing depresses them. They dont give a damn if anyone likes them or hates them. They remain impervious to all pains. They suffer from emotional paralysis

.... And I need to see a doctor.

Can you hear ?

Soft winds kissing your ears,

Can you hear what they carry,

Faint whispers breaking through the night's calm,

Trying to break your mind's calm too?

You strain to listen, but the night has gone dumb,

No winds you feel, no whispers you hear,

Bring your heart closer to mine,

You'll know then ... 'twas my heart 's whisper,

Listen to those whispers,

You'll know then ... 'twas my heart's cry.

- Me