Humour

"You are soooo fat i can see a solar eclipse every time you come in front of me !"

Ho Ho Ho Haa haaa haaa heee heee heee

"You are soooo thin people ignore you half the time coz they cannot see you !"

Ho Ho Ho Haa haaa haaa heee heee heee

Why do such statements make us laugh ?? Humans have this inherent nature to laugh at someone else's misery, someone else's shortcomings. If you open any joke book, 99% of all the jokes will be making fun of some one, some community or some situation. Lately jokes have even started cropping up on 9/11. How many times have we poked fun at someone at our workplace and had a good laugh .. not giving a damn about what the other person feels.

Would it be possible to have jokes that don't take a dig on someone?? It's a tough ask, no stand up comedian would exist if this were true. So let's accept the fact that you need to make fun of some other entity to have a good laugh and make you feel good.

A few great men who found this side of human psychology disturbing advised - "Learn to laugh at your own shortcomings, learn to laugh at your own miseries and you will find happiness."

According to this theory, if you are laughing the loudest, you should be the happiest. If you are the happiest, you are laughing at your own shortcomings and your own miseries. So, it logically follows that you have a huge number of shortcomings and you are tremendously miserable :P. Now that's a classic example of an oxymoron - How can you be so happy when you are so miserable ??

What was that ?? .. Do i see a slight grin on your face ? Bet you are one happy person :D

SMS 2050

Me is back after a loooooong time ... with a new eye for things ..

In the early part of the 21st century, a barrage of reality shows hit the television. 99.99% of them had something to do with song/dance/making fool of oneself. Every tom, dick and rakhi wanted to sing, dance and make fools of themselves on national television. At one point, it was widely believed that if one cannot sing and dance, one is not human. (this later led to the epic 2030 riot series when a lot of 'one's split each other into 'two's).

At some point, every reality show started asking it's viewers to vote for it's winners through SMS. A jackass harward MBA in a telecom company came up with this idea. He theorized - let's assume most humans are dumb (this assumption was later proved true in a landmark scientific paper by lab-ret Sin-e-nite : An anagramic clone of Albert Einstien and is fondly called 'Lab rat' after his first name). With this assumption, it is safe to also assume that humans will, without any hesitation, send an SMS that is almost 900% more than it's usual cost only because it's absolute value looks small. Let's then get buddy with every reality show and share some part of the booty with them. This will inspire more and more reality shows which will make us richer and richer. Let's swamp the world with reality shows. He gave the most famous slogan of the 21st century - "Real ain't real till it's on TV".

The year is now 2050. I have long been dead. My spirit has been condemned to a rigorous after-life for not having believed in God all it's living life. (My spirit's shock the first time it saw God was to be seen to be believed, the shock was so enormous that it felt it could have invented the term 'infinity' - refer previous blog). My spirit has been working it's orb off for a long time now. As a reward, it got a much deserved break to roam the living world. The following is a collection of various observations my spirit made on the nasty SMS revolution that has consumed this world.

- Every country's GDP and hence the world's financial health is measured by the number of active SMS votes in circulation against all kinds of reality shows on television.

- Paper money and Plastic money have become rare collectors' items. Every human now carries only an SMS counter with him. An SMS counter accumulates the SMS'es one can spend. Every financial transaction/misdeed now happens through this SMS counter. Salaries, loans, credits, stocks, thefts, burglaries .. you name it.

- Every human is part of atleast one reality show. If a human is not dancing or singing or not part of any reality show, (s)he is assumed to be demented and admitted to an asylum where (s)he automatically acquires these talents after the first shock therapy.

- Some conversations overheard at various places :

• An ambaressh fan (SMS junkies - 'yo mah bro' types - are huge fans of this erstwhile actor from the previous century) who swears by the actor's dialogues in the landmark film 'nagara haavu' .. eve-teasing a babe -

"Yen bulbul .. 100 SMS kodthini .. barakilwaaaa ???

• A totally broke stock broker -

"*&!@ this stock SMSxchange .. it again went down 1000 SMS'es today !!".

• A newly wed couple .

Woman - "How much do you love me ?

Man - (stretching out his hands) "Thiiiiiiiis many SMS'es "

• The american president in his presidential address to the nation

"We WILL NOT give up our reality show ideas and allow other contries to prosper .. Keep 'em SMS'es coming .. Learn from the most prosperous nation of today .. India .. where each duty bound citizen does not even flush the toilet without first sending an SMS vote to his favorite reality show."

• Other spirits who are jealous at my time off ..

"Look at this penniless loser .. he did not send one SMS vote or participate in any reality show when he was alive. Now he makes snide, wisecracking, sarcastic remarks in his blog which no one bothers to read."